CODEPENDENCY
Codependency situation…
It’s 3:00pm and you wonder IF it’s too early to go to sleep. All day long you’ve been managing everyone else’s lives.
Your partner has called to talk about problems at work.
Your kids have been messaging you with issues from school.
Friends have been asking for help with this or that.
YOU are the one everyone calls, but there are things on your to-do list too. You have loads of stuff that needs to be done for work or around the house. Time for yourself to do something you like or something refreshing isn’t even on the radar.
Codependency struggle…
But you can’t fathom saying no to anyone. You were raised to help people, and isn’t it wrong to let people down? Imagine how everyone would react if you said no for a day –how disappointed they would be.
Then the question starts to rise – would they leave me? If I’m not taking care of other people, what else do I have to offer?
You are afraid you aren’t good enough on your own. It has to be you + something else: giving rides, a listening ear, emotional support. Who is supporting you?
But, oh my word, the fear that’s brewing under the surface… It’s terrifying to think of losing people. You don’t want to be alone. You are willing to do anything in order to avoid that… even if it means sacrificing your OWN mental and physical well-being.
Codependency solution…
I understand the fear. No one is immune to the fear of being alone or found to be not good enough.
Imagine if you could feel freedom to say yes or no. Imagine feeling more in control of your own life.
What I want to do is start to build your sense that you ARE good enough no matter what. It’s gradual though. I’m not going to force you into all of a sudden saying “no” to everyone and everything. Dear Lord, no, that’s too much for anyone all at once!
If you have that strong sense of self, then the fear starts to go away. You know that nagging in the back of your mind and the layer of anxiety that’s present when you’re interacting with someone else and wondering what they need and what they think of you? It lessens over time.
We are going to look at your thoughts about yourself, the experiences that have shaped you and the relationships in your life, not to deconstruct, but to understand. Once we can see the picture more clearly, you have the power to make better decisions, not based on fear, but on a firm sense of who you are and a belief in your worth.