CONTROL
Out of Control…
You're sitting at your desk at the office or at home. There's a constant nagging in the back of your mind and a pit in your stomach.
You've rewritten the same email three times. Maybe four. It has to be right. The last thing you want is for anyone to question your work, your competence, your ability to hold it all together. The pressure to prove yourself is always there, quiet but powerful. Life feels like it has to be carefully managed, because if you let your grip loosen, even a little, things might fall apart.
So you don't loosen it. You keep going. You keep controlling what you can, because the alternative feels too risky.
But the effort of it is exhausting.
The constant mental spinning, trying to keep tabs on everyone and everything, means you can sit down for fifteen minutes and stand up even more tired than before. Your mind doesn't stop just because your body does. It's running calculations the whole time, and we all know mental exhaustion can be just as draining as physical effort.
You worry about your kids, your extended family, your job. But underneath all of that is a quieter worry: are you doing it all right? You hold yourself to the same impossible standard you apply to everything else, probably higher. And you rarely meet it, at least not in your own eyes.
Here's the thing you don't say out loud: life should feel more enjoyable than this by now. Your job, your relationships, the people you love, you want to actually enjoy them. But the constant vigilance takes up so much space that the enjoyment gets crowded out. Not a little. A lot.
And so you feel stuck. Wondering if there's another way, and whether it's even possible to find it.
There is another way.
Imagine reaching the end of the day feeling satisfied, not because you finished everything on your list or because everyone did exactly what you needed them to do, but because you were actually present for the time you spent with the people you love.
Quality time with your partner, your kids, a good friend and without the background noise of everything you're not getting done. Imagine what it would feel like to just BE, without managing every outcome around you.
I understand the struggle with control. Underneath it isn't a desire to dominate, it's a love for people and a deep wish for things to go well for them and for you. The problem is that the controlling gets in the way of the very life you're trying to protect.
That's what counseling for control and perfectionism works on. We'll look at what's underneath the need to manage everything, the fear, the beliefs about what happens if you don't. We'll work through it together. Depending on what fits you best, we may use CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to untangle the thought patterns driving the need for control, somatic therapy to work with the tension and anxiety your body is holding, or EMDR to explore the experiences that taught you the world wasn't safe unless you were in charge of it.
Whether you come to my Lake Nona office or we connect via telehealth anywhere in Florida, the approach follows you. Because the goal isn't to stop caring about your life and the people in it, it's to stop white-knuckling your way through it.
You'll rest easy again. And you'll actually enjoy what you've been working so hard to protect.